Regurgitation

You are sitting across from me
eating some new concoction of crepe and egg
and you're shoveling and enjoying.
I like looking up at you from time to time.
You hair still messy from dreaming,
and mine flat from the pillow. /


Anxious:

about tomorrow and Thursday and the summertime.
There is no sleep like home, but when you don't know where that is, how do you ever sleep a whole night through? I am running low on money, and every time I make money it doesn't seem to change the balance. I wish I had the funds to travel this summer, to visit everyone for a little piece of time. I wish my resume would work for me, that people would call me back. Or I just wish I could move into a cabin in Oregon and get a dog and write my novel. Would you buy it? Would I want to sell it? I don't understand the life of academia and the constant push to live just for the end of the week. On Saturday I'll be in a plane home to my mom and dad, and then on Monday another plane back home to Harry.

If I move home to Rockville in June will my room stay empty? What will my birthday be like? What will Harry's birthday be like? Will I cry more? And if I stay here, in this bed, Will my mom cry more? Will my dogs forget my smell? I am anxious mostly because I owe a lot of apologies and I feel really guilty all of the sudden. I missed four birthdays that I know of. I forgot your name in conversation. I lost the memory of the sounds of your laugh and your growling stomach. You called and I didn't call you back. I stopped logging on to facebook. Maybe if I don't come home to Rockville you'll forget me completely and I won't feel so bad anymore.



Maybe I'm just in a bad mood cause the weather is sour today.